Why do I get so frustrated?

Why is it that as mother's who want to create a peaceful, loving environment for our children, do we seem to be the one's bringing discontentment and strife. We are the one's that are to correct our children when they behave that way, not deal harshly with them and make matters worse by our reactions as we discipline. I have come to realize that it is (get ready, this is a hard pill to swallow) because we are selfish. " What!" you think. "How can I be selfish when all I do is work, teach and clean around here. I'm frustrated because I'm not appreciated and my children don't help by arguing all the time." We have become selfish because we consider everything to be ours. We get upset with our children when they interrupt our rest because "this is MY time." We get upset when something that belongs to us is broken or messed up because it's My Stuff. We get upset when they use things without asking, when they don't do what we say, when they are in our space, etc. We have forgotten that we are living on borrowed time and everything we have is borrowed for a time.

Here are some examples of what I'm talking about...(taken from Making Brothers and Sisters Best Friends)

Everything belongs to the Lord (Ps. 24:1)

Anything we have, including our own bodies, belongs to God. (I Cor. 6:20)

We are only stewards of the things God has given us. (Mt. 25:20-21)

It is God's responsibility to protect His own property. (Rom. 12:19)

We have no rights at all. (Gal. 2:20)

Rather than standing up for our wants, we must die to ourselves. (Jn 12:24-25)

When we remember that each day is a gift and that everything belongs to God then we will be less likely to get upset when things don't go the way we want. We can be compassionate to our children when they are upset about something at night (that seems petty to us) instead of mad that we have to keep repeating ourselves and having our time or rest interrupted. We don't get upset in the morning when we are awaken early because one of our little ones wakes up earlier than we would like. We don't get upset when something of ours is broken or spills happen, or toilets are played in (that never happens in my house *wink,wink*), or school work is not being completed in a timely manner. Our homes can be peaceful and it can be ushered in by us, the mother's who are striving for this in the first place. And we don't have to beat ourselves up when we mess up and fuss at our children when we meant to handle things with more patience and compassion than we did. We just ask our children to forgive us and try harder next time. And in the process we are teaching our children to do the same.

So, be encouraged. You're not alone. Recognize what is really upsetting you and then realize it's not yours anyway, then you will be less likely to get upset, and there will be more peace in your home.

Every Mom's Battle

These past two weeks I have had a number of conversations with Mom's and one of the topics which seems to come up is frustration and anger issues. How do you handle each day by remaining calm and keeping a meek and quiet spirit with your children so not to discourage them but to encourage them? I think that's an issue we all deal with from time to time. In my family, I'm the more patient, laid back one, but that doesn't mean that there aren't times or even days that I'm frustrated with my precious children and have to use self control to keep from exploding. Then there are the days I seem to explode anyway, despite self control, and have to apologize for my behavior later.

I suppose one of the things that helps me is the verse in Proverbs 15:1 which states, "A gentle answer turns away wrath, but a harsh work stirs up anger." I do not want to stir up anger or rebellion in my children so I need to remember to use gentle answers with them. It's not always easy but Proverbs also tells me in 15:4, " The tongue that brings healing is a tree of life, by a deceitful tongue crushes the spirit." My answers can be sarcastic and full of bitterness sometimes if I'm not careful and the last thing I want to do is crush my child's spirit, so I try to remind myself of these things often. The book of Proverbs has 31 chapters so I read the chapter that corresponds with the day of the month. It keeps me in check.

Also, I try to think, "If my home were a workplace and I were the boss, would my children want to work there or would they be looking for another job." Ask yourself, "Would I remain here if this were my place of employment and I had a choice or would I be looking for another job as soon as possible? If I don't create a caring environment in which my children can learn and grow and makes mistakes without being reprimanded harshly, then when they are old enough to drive or move out they will choose not to be around. I do not want that. I believe there has to be a balance in the home. If I'm too soft and do not discipline my children they will hate me later, if I'm too harsh my children will rebel. If there is not consistency in my home and my children feel that they have to constantly walk on eggshells or feel like they are walking through a mine field never sure exactly when they are going to hit that soft spot that causes and explosion then they will not be happy and they will leave the first chance they get. I do not believe that I need to live in fear of not doing exactly the right thing and destroying my children's spirit, but I do need to make myself aware of how I treat them. This is why I pray everyday for wisdom and discernment. I want God to show me what's best for my family and to help me choose to show love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, gentleness, faithfulness and self control. I also work hard to make sure that my husband and I have our children's hearts and not someone or something else.

Since this is a topic close to my heart I will probably touch on it often. Check back and feel free to ask questions. For now, be encouraged. There is hope for your home to be a peaceful and inviting place. Fortunately, God gave us the manual on parenting. We just need to use it.